Calm In The Chaos
by heavenindaylight
Summary: Harvey has to cancel his and Donna's weekly date night, and he doesn't feel good about it. S9 one-shot.


_This idea just came to me and I had to write it down in one go. Maybe it's me just rambling, but I thought I'd share. Be kind, English is not my first language. And this is unbeta'ed. _

_Hope you enjoy and reviews are always welcomed :) _

He was late. Too late.

He opened the front door of his apartment and couldn't help but notice the darkness inside. She'd turned off the lights. That was telling. He'd fucked up.

To be fair, it wasn't his fault. Not really. That heinous woman who'd taken over the firm had ordered him to stay late due to some last minute client crisis, which in itself wasn't unusual. He was used to late work hours and lack of sleep, it had never actually bothered him. But that was before. Now he had someone to come home to, and Faye had kept him from her. His blood boiled just at the thought.

The timing of it all was the worst part. It was only their third weekly date night, and he had to cancel on her. Donna had planned it all, left the office early and told him to meet her at his place at 7pm. It was now close to midnight and he was walking towards the kitchen, coat and keys in hand. As he neared the counter, he saw the dining room table was now only set for one, and a yellow post-it note beside it with her handwriting.

_I went to sleep. Leftovers are in the fridge if you're still hungry._

Just a straightforward message. No sentiments. She was angry. _Fuck._

He'd wrapped up at work in good time before he had to head home for their night together, but Faye had stopped him by the elevators. She'd told him he would have to cancel any plans he had that evening. He'd wanted to tell her he couldn't, but his and Donna's relationship was still new, and the last thing they both wanted was for it to affect their professional lives. So he'd agreed to stay with the consequence of letting the love of his life down. He'd let her down enough for a lifetime already. It pissed him off.

His stomach suddenly rumbled and he was reminded he hadn't eaten since lunch. He went to open the fridge expecting to find some leftover thai, but was met by home made chicken parmesan. She'd made him dinner, she'd made an effort. She _never_ cooked. But she had tonight, and he hadn't even shown. He'd fucked up bad.

And it was his idea, this whole once-a-week date night thing. So for him to cancel on their third go at it might give her the idea of him not taking things seriously. And just the thought made his chest tighten, his pulse raise to an abnormal level and pearls of sweat slowly forming a pattern on his forehead. He knew this feeling all too well.

So he went for the cabinet above the sink to fetch a glass, poured himself some ice cold water and chugged it down as fast as he could. So fast it gave him that soothing burn only scotch had ever been able to give him.

As his pulse slowed down and his breathing stabilized, his eyes fell on the moonlight piercing through the windows of his bedroom. Suddenly his mind remembered who awaited him inside, all thoughts of hunger forgotten.

He approached the doorway and his eyes followed the stream of light, finally landing on the red tresses of hair. Her face was bathing in moonlight, which gave her an even more ethereal glow than what mother earth had already blessed her with. It was as if she had become a burning beacon, guiding him towards her like a ship lost at sea. She was his calm in the midst of the chaos.

He was drawn to her with a force so strong that he hadn't even payed attention to how he'd moved from the doorway and was now suddenly laying beside her in bed. His arm slowly found its way around her waist, his nose breathed in her scent as he found comfort in the crook of her neck. He gave her a peck on her cheek as he closed his eyes, ready to drift off to sleep.

"Hey," Donna said, as she intertwined her fingers with his.

"I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay, it's better here with you than staying in whatever dream I was having." Her voice was low, still covered in sleep. He moved even closer then.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?" She turned around now, finding his dark brown orbs.

"For letting you down."

"You didn't let me down, Harvey."

"Didn't I?"

She paused, taking a breath while she tilted her head, giving him the look, _her _look. "Am I sad we didn't get to have our weekly dinner, yes. But it's not your fault. It was out of your control and that's okay."

He didn't give her a reply, instead he was wandering the corners of his mind.

"What?"

"I.. I just," he started. "I just don't want you to think I'm not serious about this. About _us_. This whole date night thing was my idea, and me not being able to follow through on it makes me feel like shit."

"I get that Harvey. But don't you ever think I doubt you being serious about us. The look on you face when you came over that night… Your intentions were _pretty _clear."

That made him chuckle. "Yeah, I guess I forgot to put on my poker face that night, huh?"

"You sure did," she said as she nuzzled her mouth against is neck. "For what it's worth, it's not too late to make it up to me for cancelling, you know." Her voice suddenly filled with want. She paused though when he failed to give her the anticipated response, him again lost in his mind, rather than focusing on his surroundings.

"Hey, what's going on" she said, worry coloring her voice. "I just invited you to have your way with me and you didn't even give me a response. Not the best way to make a girl feel wanted, Harvey."

He looked at her then, but his eyes were still avoiding hers. If she didn't know any better she would've thought he was embarrassed. Maybe he was.

"I don't think that's what I need right now," he finally said, his eyes meeting hers. Her reaction not what he intended, and he cursed himself for choosing his words so poorly.

"What do you mean?" she said, not sure where he was going with this.

"It's not that I don't want to, trust me, there's really nothing in the world I want more than to make love to you right now. But when I saw you here, in my bed and I lay down beside you, feeling your warmth, it was like a storm inside me suddenly stilled and everything was okay in the world. I don't think I've ever felt that kind of calm before. That kind of belonging."

She swallowed hard, obviously moved buy his words. "Harv—"

"Please, let me finish," he continued, a soft smile finding its way across his face. "These past few weeks with you have been amazing, more so than I could ever have imagined or dreamt of." He'd been uncharacteristically straightforward with his feelings lately, but this was a new level of openness, even for him. "For so long I've longed to be with you in _that _way. And part of me thought that being able to _make love _to you was the last part missing in our ever blurry relationship. But I guess I was wrong."

She looked at him now, puzzled as ever.

"Donna," he said, voice slightly trembling because he needed her to understand the gravity of what he meant. "We've always been together in a way, supporting each other, protecting each other, willing to take a bullet for each other. But what I never let myself do before, was to find solace and comfort with you, in a physical way. To completely let my guard down and just _be_. And lying here, in your embrace, gives me that feeling of utter solace and tranquility, and to be honest it's just a feeling I want to savor. The shitstorm that's been going on at the firm, I completely forgot the moment I felt your skin next to mine. It's intoxicating and I just want to —"

Her lips met his in the softest kiss they'd shared yet. He could taste the salt of her tears that had found their way down her cheeks. Her hand played with the hair on his neck and it gave him the chills all over his body. Her other hand found its way to his cheek as she pulled back, finding his eyes in the most loving look she'd ever given him.

"Who are you, and what have you done to Harvey Specter?" She laughed, drying away the tears that stilled formed in her eyes.

He grinned at her then, smile wide as ever. "He had an epiphany," he chuckled.

"You think?"

"I know."

"You're an idiot," she said, slapping his arm.

"As long as I'm your idiot, I'm good with who I am."

They lay down again, moonlight covering their features. A comforting silence between them grew until Donna suddenly spoke.

"Make love to me?"

He turned towards her completely confused.

"Donna, didn't I just —"

"No, you said make _love _to me," she said, her hazel eyes twinkling. "Is that…"

He suddenly understood what she was getting at. "Donna," he said, voice sturdy and to the point. "If you haven't figured it out yet, that when we're together, I'm making _love _to you, I don't know what will. But if you need me to say it... I _love_ you Donna, I'm _in_ love with you. Wholeheartedly, completely, earth shatteringly in love with you."

Their eyes met, absorbing each others presence. His hand removing a strand of hair from her face, his thumb caressing her cheek. Silence.

"I know," she said. "But it's nice to hear you say it."

_FIN._


End file.
